I should have sent this to my manager:

This report is what we have gathered from our database and we have made a lot of calculation based on the raw data. Below will show us what types of customer has called in regards for portable support and I believe that should have satisfy the management curiosity:

Problem Between Chair And Keyboard: 89%
Micro$oft Issue: 10%
Hardware Problem: 1%

Problem Between Chair And Keyboard: 89%
As you can see from the PBCAK column, it has the highest impact on our phone support ranging from inquiry to software call. I can safely say that the root cause of the issue is:

1. Customer refuse to RTFM (Read The Freakin' Manual)
2. Customer is ignorant
3. Customer has neurotic damage beyond any medical help
4. Customer just too lazy to think

The way to resolve the first issue is to apply a law from our congress/parliment senate to pass a law to kill stupid people. That way, I believe the top issue can be reprimanded overnight.

Micro$oft Issue: 10%
As for Micro$oft issue, this cannot be helped unless Micro$oft comes out with their own patches and such. We have a healthy relationship and we believe with enough given time, Micro$oft can resolve most of the software issue at hand. Unless we would like to boycott the company and rely something like Linux...

Hardware Problem: 1%
Lastly for hardware issue, let's kill our QA engineer and let the new engineers watch. This should show them to diligently that if they don't do their job properly, this will be their punishment.